Not So IndefatigablePublish date: Thu Feb 18, 2021
Tags: mental-health opinion
I may sometimes seem like I “keep on ticking” no matter what happens, or am constantly ‘making noise’ about things. In truth though this is as much acting that way in order to try to make it reality as it a reflection of myself. Unfortunately I am not really so indefatigable, and in fact lately I’m been feeling a bit of discouragement and in a slump. [AUTHOR’S NOTE: Apparently I’m still in a proofreading slump too…]
This is not so much due to covid, and despite surprisingly building friendships and social networks more during the pandemic than before, but rather because I feel like I’m not not getting enough feedback in a few areas. In particular my two blogs have not been getting any contact form messages (except spam), my attempts to reach out on a political level, as well as personal, to the town often do not seem to get me a lot of feedback, and sometimes even feels like my efforts to improve the town for persons with mental health issues and disabilities triggers a ‘shut him down’ response.
Ultimate I try to keep my ability to keep going by making the effort to improve a little day by day, but sometimes it feels like (especially when I get negative feedback (vs constructive criticism), or a refusal to even contemplate or truly discuss a suggestion or concern) I’m going backwards instead of forwards.
I hope this low point will pass, but when I look at the way I have panic attacks when trying to participate in public meetings at council, or the fact that I’ve been extremely fatigued and achy and no tests seem to find anything, and even in a recent case when a dentist noticed something on my tonsil and through my doctor I ended up seeing a specialist, they were unable to even see the original issue, it doesn’t help my confidence that “it’s going to get better”.
I’ll do what I can, but if you have any support to offer, please do!